Faithfully Fighting

Lynn went to be with Jesus in the early morning hours on the 19^th of April, 2010. She fought a really tough fight the last four and a half years; the last two were really, really difficult. While it may appear that cancer won the fight, that isn't so, because Love won out.

Lynn is the love of my life and God's special gift to me. Those who had the privilege of knowing her knew how special she was and how she blessed others with her joy, hope and caring love. Lynn demonstrated to those who knew her the characteristics of love in the well known Bible chapter of First Corinthians 13, the so called “Love chapter”. Lynn was patient, and kind and was not jealous; she didn’t brag and was not arrogant,she did not act unbecomingly and did not seek her own, was not provoked, didn’t take into account a wrong suffered, did not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoiced with the truth she bore all things, believed all things, hoped in all things and endured all things and I was honored, even if it was for a brief moment in this life, to be called her husband.

I hope those of you who have followed her blog have been, blessed, encouraged and inspired by her stories and insights.

To those in the family of faith, I hope it helped you grow closer in your walk with Jesus.

Lynn would want those of you who have read this and haven’t trusted Christ to receive Him as your Savior, placing your faith in His completed work on the cross and come to know the power of His resurrection, which will work in transforming you from the inside out. If you do, you will find as Lynn found, and all the ones she has left on earth, that cancer, the sting of death, hurt and sorrow can never win. “Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:8

I have something serious to talk to you all about. About two weeks ago I started having some back pain.  It was an achy pain that, sometimes, traveled down to the base of my back.  I figured it was from the liver tumor that had ached some after chemoembolozation and tried to walk through it with some Tylenol and sometimes something stronger. A week ago my ankles started swelling.  It didn’t seem to important to me, but I knew I would be seeing the doctor soon and having blood work and MRI so I took more pain pills.  While we were on our New York trip things started to change.  The pain became less local and more severe, my legs as well as my ankles became tight balloons, I noticed bruises on my stomach that hadn’t been there before, and my energy (which actually had been fading a bit every week) became non-existent.  Just walking across the room had become a long walk.  When I woke up on Sunday morning I thought my eyes looked strange.  The whites of my eyes seemed to be lined with a yellow hue.

I’ve spend the last 3 days talking to my family.  I talked to my parents, who have been an amazing support for me.  I talked to Jessica who is a wonderful daughter and spends a lot of  time inside herself, but who said some things to me that made my heart cheer.  I haven’t talked to Katie yet, I plan on doing that Saturday, so nobody spill the bean on me.  All this talking is incredibly painful.  I know it’s not my fault, but I feel like I’m letting them down.

We’ll we did it.  It went really fast and, of course, we didn’t see everything we wanted to see, but we spent wonderful time together. 

Thursday we packed to car and headed north.  It was about 7 hours in the car.  We checked into the hotel and then Pete took us around his old neighborhood on Long Island.  We ate dinner at an old restaurant Pete remembered fondly, Delmonica’s.  Fantastic melon wrapped in prosciutto and mozzarella sticks.  Katie ordered a personal pizza, as did Pete.  I made a terrible mistake and ordered ravioli without red sauce, but with olive oil and garlic.  Nothing against the restaurant but I couldn’t take the amount of garlic on the pasta, but it did give me the opportunity to steel bites of Pete and Katie’s pizza which were amazing.

The next morning we jumped on the train and headed for New York City!!  We had borrowed a wheel chair and that was great decision.  My energy has been fading and I don’t think I would have made it without that chair.  We went to the Statue of Liberty, which was my favorite spot.  Then we grabbed a cab and went to Katz’ Deli for lunch, which I’m sure was Pete’s favorite part of the trip.  Then we grabbed another cab and went to FAO Schwartz’ toy store.  We were pretty tired by now (not just me, but everyone).  Katie was totally overwhelmed by the three stories of toys and “worlds”.  She ended up buying a cute animal, but she could have gotten it here at home.  I didn’t get her birthday present because she was so overwhelmed she couldn’t even see everything.  So we caught another cab and headed for Penn station for the ride back to Long Island on the LIRR (Long Island Railroad). 

That night was bad for me.  I wasn’t feeling well at all.  So the next morning Katie and Pete went sightseeing without me.  I rested so I would feel ready to go in the evening.  We had a lovely evening at Pete’s friend’s house.  Jay and Jayne served a wonderful dinner and we had great conversation.  During desert Katie leaned over to me and whispered “Mom I think my tooth is coming out”.  I scurried her to the bathroom and sure enough out popped this molar tooth right into my hands.  I found it very amusing and Katie found it a little embarrassing.    Later Pete took us back to the hotel and he went out with Jay and some other buddies.  I was so glad he was having a good time!!  I took Katie down to the hotel's indoor pool for a little swimming, which she loved.  

 Sunday morning we packed up and headed home.  Traffic was light coming out of the city and it was a beautiful day.   It was a great joy to see the excitement in Katie’s eyes and to spend time together as a family.  Another reminder of the many blessing I have in my life.

 Lynn

Today is a Saturday and in WV it’s a little cool, 47-50 degrees Fahrenheit.  But there are wonderful hints of spring; crocus' are blooming, tulips are budding out as well as the two pear trees in the front yard.  They look as if they are just a few weeks away from blooming in all there brightness and joy.  My brother has planted pea plants and strawberries under cover of plastic and they are peaking through the ground.   I think it would be a good time to count blessings.  Sometimes I just need to do that, and I’m always so amazed by the results:

· A Loving and generous Lord who waits for me, guides me, and holds me

· Beautiful, healthy, smart, children (including son-in-law), and grand-daughter who never cease to make me proud to be there mother/grandmother

· An amazing husband with a generous loving heart, who takes on much more than he could have ever imagined would be necessary without complaint only  showing compassion

· The gift of my parents and brother, living within walking distance and supporting me every day

· Friends and family who pray for me consistently and have helped keep me alive for these two years

· A home that is warm, food to eat, so much that it overwhelms me

· Living in a country that has medical systems that can treat livesThere are so many others I could continue for pages. 

It is overwhelming to know the blessings of every day, and every moment. 

This week I’ve been fighting some pain and nausea.  Pete took Katie to the bus stop Weds-Fri mornings.  She doesn’t do well with change, but I think by Friday she was kind of enjoying it.  I’ve had an MRI, blood work, two urine samples, and a CT scan this week.  My oncologist called on Thursday and said that the CT scan shows the liver met is growing.  You know the ones that are supposed to be dead from the wicked chemoembolization.  Anyway, he said he was heading to Hopkins, to a conference, and he wanted the phone number of the interventional radiologist doctor I’d been seeing.  He said he was going to talk to him and talk to some other oncologists there and decide what the best chemo would be to start up.  We won’t be waiting too long, it’ll probably be next week or the week after that, but I’ll be starting some pretty harsh chemo.  The CT scan also showed a met by my clavicle and the rashy cancer doesn’t seem to be influenced by radiation I’ve been going to every day.   The doctor told me to take my pain meds and I have been, but that does cause another problem to arise.  Prunes, and prune juice help some with that. 

I will lose my hair again, but I don’t really care.  It’s going to be summer soon and it’s almost liberating to not worry about hair.  My chief concern is that we have been planning a trip to NY, NY with Katie for spring break.  I have a terrible feeling that my chemo will begin that week.  I’ve been pretty weak this weak and I don’t want to back out of this trip, Katie is sooooo looking forward to it. 

 I’m praying for strength and peace. I’m so sorry I don’t have better news, but it is just one day at a time. 

1 John 4:18  There is not fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.  But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.