Faithfully Fighting

Well after all the hub bub last week I had a face to face with my oncologist yesterday.  He, very gently, informed me that until we get the issue with my PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) straightened out it wasn’t safe for me to have anymore chemo.  He said the CT scan had shown no change in the liver mets so that type of chemo had probably done as much good as it was going to do anyway.  He also said most folks only make 6 or 7 rounds of Taxotere anyway before he has to take them off of it (I’m not sure he said that because I’d had 6 rounds and he was just trying to make me feel better or if it was true).  He is putting me on a regiment of Herceptin every three weeks to, hopefully, keep the mets from growing and to keep any new mets from developing. 

He said that he thought I’d have to have the surgery, eventually.  He didn’t see the inflammation going away on it’s own and in order to fight the cancer when it became active again (whether that was months or years from now) I would have to have chemo again in the future. I told him that my GYN had said it was a pretty serious surgery and he tried to soften the thought of the surgery by telling me he went to school with a man who is a specialist at UVA now and who is a real funny fellow who does excellent work.  I had my ultrasound today and will probably get the results from that in the next few weeks. 

Then I might have thrown a monkey wrench into the plan.  A couple of weeks ago I felt a hard lump under my right arm.  That’s the arm that the lymph nodes had been removed from.  I don’t know if the lump is just muscle from the rebuild or something else.  I had shown it to my GYN when I saw her last week and she told me to be sure to show my oncologist.  So I did.  He felt it and said it might be nothing, but he wants a biopsy.  Not a MRI mind you, just go directly to the biopsy.  I don’t know if that means he thinks it’s cancer (how I think he would know that from just feeling it I have no idea) or if he just figures we’ll go right to the meat (literally) of things without fooling around with tests.  I told him I wanted Dr. Poe to do the biopsy.  He is the radiologist who did my first biopsy in 2005 and my liver biopsy and he is meticulous and thorough.  I learned the hard way that not all radiologist doctors do things the same (remember that biopsy nightmare back in January).  So I’m set up for a biopsy on September 17^th.  According to my oncologist if this is cancer it changes everything.  It means the Herceptin isn’t working and we’ll have to change growth inhibitor drugs and probably hurry up the PID stuff so we can start chemo again.  I’m praying it is just scar tissue or something simple from the rebuild. 

I’m feeling a little guilty and sad about work.  Some of you know what I do for a living and I can tell you that it’s been pretty busy there.  I haven’t been able to help out much, even though I’m trained to do several of the jobs they need done right now.  I had a call from my supervisor today, asking me if I wanted to work any this weekend (no pressure, he was just checking in).  I really wanted to work this weekend, but I know I’m not strong enough to make it through the weekend and then be able to work next week.  My doctor wrote me a note to only work 8 hour days (because most everyone else is working 10-12 hours days).  I’m not holding my own at all.  No one is leaning on me, everyone has been great, but I feel like I'm not contributing to what I like to do.

Now that I’ve had my pity party lets talk about blessings!  Weekend before last was our church’s anniversary Sunday.  I forgot to blog about it, with everything else going on, but I can’t let the wonderful day go by without mentioning it, even if it is belated.  Our Pastor preached on Heaven – Hebrews 11:13-16.  It was such a blessing to me.  His words touched my heart so tenderly and blessed me.  As I looked around me I could see I wasn’t the only one.  It was like being embraced by a long lost friend.  I could feel the Lord’s warmth surround me like the day I asked him into my heart.  What a wonderful reminder of His comfort and Love.  I’ve kind of tried to hold onto that feeling the last few weeks.  I know faith isn’t about emotions or feelings, but sometimes I need to hold onto those moments of comfort because recalling them helps me renew my faith.  Everyone must have their own ways of reaching out, coping and getting through the tuff stuff, that’s just one of mine.

Love and blessings to all,

Lynn

What a day yesterday was!  I could not have written it into a book in a more dramatically interesting way than it happened.  It started out normal enough, I’m finally feeling pretty pain free and I’ve been able to go back to work, so I headed to work for ½ a day before my CT scan.  At lunch time I went home, ate, and at 1:45 drank that yucky barium drink they give you.  At 2:00 Mom and I headed to the hospital for the test.

Now I had decided that I was going to insist they access my power-port for the CT scan.  Last time I went for a scan they didn’t and the weird sensation that you get when the dye goes in was much worse than usual.  Apparently my port is a little tricky (thanks surgeon) and it gives some nurses trouble.  So after the nurse tried 2 times I suggested I run down to Oncology and get one of the treatment nurses to access the port (they never have problems because they do them all the time).  I was surprised when CT agreed.  So I trotted down the hall, down the stairs, and through the door to oncology.  I told the receptionist what I’d like to do and she called back and the nurses said sure (they are so nice).  When I got back there, they didn’t have the right needles (I had no idea they were different), so they had to call CT to “tube” a needle down.  Bang!  Kay hit the port on the first try.  So then I hustle back up to CT.  Close your eyes and picture it: me wearing a hospital gown and an arm band scurrying through the hallways of the hospital and medical building I’m trying not to draw attention to myself, but hurrying while holding the flaps of my gown together.  I cannot believe someone didn’t stop me thinking I was trying to escape from the place.  I get back, have my CT and they send me on my way.  Mom and I drive home feeling relieved that is over.

I was home about 20 minutes when the phone rang.  “Hello, Lynn this is William”, my oncologist.  I’m cautious, not panicked, but I can only remember him calling me with good news once, ever, and that was two years ago.  He’s called me with bad news more than once.  Plus it hasn’t even been an hour since the scan, doesn’t someone have to read those things.  Well apparently someone had and phoned him, immediately.  The first thing he said was “are you in pain?”.  Which I actually took as a good sign, but I’m not sure why.  Then he said “They’ve seen something on the scan in your pelvis, not cancer but some kind of infection.”  I almost argued with him.  I don’t hurt now, that was last week, I’ve been working, everything’s better.  He said I had to come back to the hospital for ANOTHER CT scan of the pelvis, so they can get a better look.  He was calling me in some antibiotics and he wanted to know the name of my GYN so he could call her today.  I’m thinking this doesn’t sound good at all.  Shouldn’t I be writhing on the floor or something?  Then he askes me if I’m in pain, again.  Funny, last week I couldn’t get anyone to call me back at 1:00 a.m. when I was in pain and now I can’t convince him I don’t hurt.  He said he’d have the office call me back with the CT appointment.  I think I called him “a little stinker”.

10 minutes later the phone rings again.  It’s the nurse from Oncology to tell me they’ve called in my antibiotics, that the doctor talked to my GYN and I need to call first thing tomorrow for an appointment to see her, and I need to come back to the hospital right now for another scan.  What!  Right now!  Then I hear William’s voice in the background telling the nurse what to say.  I don’t know if he heard me, or knew I was going to argue, but he’s standing right beside her telling her stuff to say to me.  The big chicken!   He tells her to relay that the liver spots have not changed (which he says is really good news this close to the last scan).  I asked her to ask him if I had anything in my brain.  She relayed the question verbatim and I could hear him chuckling.  Now usually we have that kind of relationship, but I was already pretty grumpy at him.  I’m not stupid and I know he was feeding me the good news to cushion the bad news a little.  I told her I could hear him giggling and I knew what he was thinking . . . empty brain, she told him I could hear him laughing and then he said, loudly, tell her there’s nothing in there!  I am not a violent person, but it’s a really good thing he wasn’t standing in front of me.

Mom and Dad drove me back to the hospital.  Once again took two sticks for the nurse from IV therapy to hit the port (that’s 5 sticks total for the day, for those of you counting).  They took blood to make sure my kidneys would be ok if they gave me more dye.  Then they put me back in the machine.  Apparently they used a different kind of dye that wasn’t as hard on the system.  Unfortunately I broke out in hives from it.  I had to lay there for another hour to recouperate with IV fluids running through me.  Poor Mom came in and sat with me as we waited for the welts on my face, stomach and arms to disappear. 

This morning the GYN’s office called me at 8:05.  They asked me if I needed pain medicine and told me to come in at 10:30.  I didn’t even get a chance to call them.  I feel very blessed that the Lord has spared me from the pain I’m supposed to be in! Pete and I went to the appointment and I finally got the story.  My GYN diagnosis is that the infection I got after the chemo from the diverticulitus has leaked into fluid in the fallopian tube.  She thinks I’m on the tail end of it right now, but I need to keep taking the antibiotics, then get more blood work and an ultrasound to make sure the infection is gone.  I don’t get any more chemo until the infection is cleared up (shucks).  BUT the kicker is, if the infection becomes chronic (like the other one I kept getting) after every chemo I’ll have to have a big surgery.  She said that I’d have to go to UVA for the surgery because they have the specialists there to deal with the complications of scar tissue that will develop.  At this point of my appointment I had gone on overload of information and I can’t really tell you anything else she said.  You know when your brain just starts to shut down because it refuses to process the negative information being thrown its way.

I need a nap, a good book, and some more prayer.  Sorry gang, the blessings still way out way the pain, but I’m wiped out.

God Bless

Lynn

I know I’ve been neglecting my blog.  I don’t have a really good excuse, just regular ones that anyone can pull out of a hat and use, so take your pick and fill in the blanks.

I went for chemo treatment on 8/7 and my oncologist wanted to wait another week for chemo, because it had only been a week since my surgery and he wanted my body to recover, so he just gave me Herceptin treatment alone (see http://www.herceptin.com/metastatic/what-is/how-does-it-work.jsp for info on why this isn’t chemo but on my treatment regime).  It was interesting because I think I discovered that my eye twitching is actually the Herceptin and not the chemo.   It was a good weekend, and Mom and Dad took Kathryn (she wants us to call her Kathryn now instead of Katie) and I to cousin Kaytlin’s swimming birthday party.  We had a really good time.

I was able to work 8/11-13 and then I had chemo/Herceptin treatment on 8/14.  It was a little tougher than I expected (of course I usually expect to breeze through –why I have no idea).  It hit me earlier this time, Friday night/Sat morning and it hit with the dreaded diverticulitus.  As I’ve mentioned before, I didn’t even know I had diverticulitus (or arthritis) until I started chemo.  To those of you who don’t know, diverticulitus pain is really bad.  I would describe it as early labor pains that don’t let up.  Sorry guys, I got nothing to help you get it, unless you been there.  So I don’t labor the point let’s just say I haven’t been able to go to work (barely able to get off the couch, walk to Mom and Dad’s, eat solid food) all week.  I’ve been on pain medicine (which I hate!), and antibiotics to keep it from turning into an infection.  Today I am feeling better, the pain is down to a dull thud in one spot, much more manageable.

Ok, that’s enough about pain.  I have a couple of things I really want to mention for prayer.  The first is my sweet Pete’s Mom, Loretta, is in the hospital.  She’s had a stroke and although she is recovering very well I would really appreciate it if you keep her in our prayers for a swift recovery.  The other thing is me again (oh, brother), I’ve got a CT Scan scheduled for next Tuesday, 8/26.  We are checking the liver metastistized spots (every 2 months-for shrinkage), and just as a precautions checking my head for brain spots.  I’m not expecting anything in the head (literally), my doctor isn’t either, it’s just the chemo has left me with some tingling in my fingers and foot on the left side and because it’s all on one side he just wants to check (since we’re going to be scanning anyway, why not!).  As review the most common places for breast cancer to metastize is: lungs, bone, liver, and brain (today is the educational blog).  I’m also praying about a work related decision that I don’t really want to go into, but I would appreciate prayer for them.

Wow, now aren’t you glad I haven’t blogged in 3 weeks.  I’ve bogged you down with prayer requests and information that I’ve been saving up.  God Bless you all for keeping up with me.  I know this has been a long haul all ready, but don’t forget we are going for a record. J 

Love always,

Lynn

Enter his gates with thanksgiving, go into his courts with praise.  Give thanks to him and bless his name.    Psalm 100:4

Hello everyone,

Just a short note to let you know that everything went fine with the surgery.  I'm feeling better than I expected, praise the Lord.  They sent me home with one of those annoying drains, but I think I've got it figured out how to hide it when I got to work on Monday.  I get it removed on Thursday and start back on my chemo regime then too (should be a fun day!).

I was hoping to see my angle nurse in recovery again, but she wasn't there (see post "Beyond myself" 4/4/08).  But everyone was really kind and helpful, as usual.  The surgery was scheduled for 1:15 and I actually went back early, about 12:45.  They were waking me up and taking me to recovery about 1:45 and I was on my way home by 4:15.  It was really a blessed day.

The doctor said that the implant had not ruptured, but the infection was extreme and it had to come out anyway.  There was lots of fluid gathering around the implant that was what kept re-infecting every time I had chemo.  He said that because I have lots of chemo left ahead of me there is no way he would recommend putting another implant in at this time. 

I hesistate to continue about something so personal, but I feel like I should.  I don't know how to say this without seeming small and selfish, but the deformaty I'm left with makes me sad.  I know in the entire scope of issues it is a very small one and I will get over it.  Many people may critize my emotional attachment to a body part, after all I am fighting a battle here and the small sacrifice is not a big price to pay, I know that.  I'm not devistated, just a little sad.  It's hard to explain but it kind of feels like the chipping away of a shell as the ocean rocks it on the sand.  It starts to get holes in it and then finally breaks apart.  I feel like little pieces keep getting chipped away.  What I'm hoping is that it's more like a sculpture chipping away at a granite rock, and when He's done a beautiful piece of art will appear.  The granite was a lovely rock to begin with, but after being held and molded by The Maker it becomes a reflection of Him.  That is my goal.

Have a blessed weekend!

Love, Lynn

• Main
• archives
• Albums
• Links
• Admin
• Send us a story!

• Chemo-less
• CT-orama
• Bringing it up to Speed
• Surgery-A-Go-Go
• Quick Update
• The Begining of a Book
• Medicine in a ball
• And We All Fall Down

• General [47]

• RSS 0.90
• RSS 1.0
• RSS 2.0
• Atom