Faithfully Fighting

Well after all the hub bub last week I had a face to face with my oncologist yesterday.  He, very gently, informed me that until we get the issue with my PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) straightened out it wasn’t safe for me to have anymore chemo.  He said the CT scan had shown no change in the liver mets so that type of chemo had probably done as much good as it was going to do anyway.  He also said most folks only make 6 or 7 rounds of Taxotere anyway before he has to take them off of it (I’m not sure he said that because I’d had 6 rounds and he was just trying to make me feel better or if it was true).  He is putting me on a regiment of Herceptin every three weeks to, hopefully, keep the mets from growing and to keep any new mets from developing. 

He said that he thought I’d have to have the surgery, eventually.  He didn’t see the inflammation going away on it’s own and in order to fight the cancer when it became active again (whether that was months or years from now) I would have to have chemo again in the future. I told him that my GYN had said it was a pretty serious surgery and he tried to soften the thought of the surgery by telling me he went to school with a man who is a specialist at UVA now and who is a real funny fellow who does excellent work.  I had my ultrasound today and will probably get the results from that in the next few weeks. 

Then I might have thrown a monkey wrench into the plan.  A couple of weeks ago I felt a hard lump under my right arm.  That’s the arm that the lymph nodes had been removed from.  I don’t know if the lump is just muscle from the rebuild or something else.  I had shown it to my GYN when I saw her last week and she told me to be sure to show my oncologist.  So I did.  He felt it and said it might be nothing, but he wants a biopsy.  Not a MRI mind you, just go directly to the biopsy.  I don’t know if that means he thinks it’s cancer (how I think he would know that from just feeling it I have no idea) or if he just figures we’ll go right to the meat (literally) of things without fooling around with tests.  I told him I wanted Dr. Poe to do the biopsy.  He is the radiologist who did my first biopsy in 2005 and my liver biopsy and he is meticulous and thorough.  I learned the hard way that not all radiologist doctors do things the same (remember that biopsy nightmare back in January).  So I’m set up for a biopsy on September 17^th.  According to my oncologist if this is cancer it changes everything.  It means the Herceptin isn’t working and we’ll have to change growth inhibitor drugs and probably hurry up the PID stuff so we can start chemo again.  I’m praying it is just scar tissue or something simple from the rebuild. 

I’m feeling a little guilty and sad about work.  Some of you know what I do for a living and I can tell you that it’s been pretty busy there.  I haven’t been able to help out much, even though I’m trained to do several of the jobs they need done right now.  I had a call from my supervisor today, asking me if I wanted to work any this weekend (no pressure, he was just checking in).  I really wanted to work this weekend, but I know I’m not strong enough to make it through the weekend and then be able to work next week.  My doctor wrote me a note to only work 8 hour days (because most everyone else is working 10-12 hours days).  I’m not holding my own at all.  No one is leaning on me, everyone has been great, but I feel like I'm not contributing to what I like to do.

Now that I’ve had my pity party lets talk about blessings!  Weekend before last was our church’s anniversary Sunday.  I forgot to blog about it, with everything else going on, but I can’t let the wonderful day go by without mentioning it, even if it is belated.  Our Pastor preached on Heaven – Hebrews 11:13-16.  It was such a blessing to me.  His words touched my heart so tenderly and blessed me.  As I looked around me I could see I wasn’t the only one.  It was like being embraced by a long lost friend.  I could feel the Lord’s warmth surround me like the day I asked him into my heart.  What a wonderful reminder of His comfort and Love.  I’ve kind of tried to hold onto that feeling the last few weeks.  I know faith isn’t about emotions or feelings, but sometimes I need to hold onto those moments of comfort because recalling them helps me renew my faith.  Everyone must have their own ways of reaching out, coping and getting through the tuff stuff, that’s just one of mine.

Love and blessings to all,

Lynn

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