Faithfully Fighting

Let’s talk about wigs. I know I said I wasn’t going to get one. Then I got thinking, I have season tickets to the Summer musical theater at the local college (which I love going to).  If I go all bald headed or with my hat everyone who looks at me is going to think “Oh, look, she must be doing chemo. Poor thing.”  Guys don’t have to worry about that.  People just think they are loosing their hair and they’ve shaved their heads.  Now I’m not a person that usually cares what people think.  But the more I think about it the more I considered the anonymity of people not knowing I am having chemo.  If I can pretend I’m NOT battling cancer.  I kind of like that idea.  I still don’t think I’m going to wear the wig every day, but for special occasions or when I feel like pretending it might be ok.

Anyway I went, by myself a week ago, and tried on wigs at this wonderful place recommended by the hospital.  They had all kinds of wigs and anything a woman needed to face the trial of cancer treatments.  They even gave me a courtesy bag full of wonderful things (this kind of blew the entire, pretending to not have cancer theory).  I was very shy at first.  I tried on a wig that was ok, but didn’t look like me.  But a couple of wigs later there was this fabulous 60ish, but in style wig.  It was short, but it had long bangs and came around my face then had the cutest curly flips in the back.  When I put it on I looked adorable.  I thought it was just me at first then I glanced up at the stylest helping me and her face was lit up with the biggest smile.  She saw it too!!  It was me.  She quickly grabbed the color swatches and said we would have to find a color I loved, close to my original color.  Of course, she asked if I wanted to try on any others, all the time telling me how wonderful the wig looked.  Of course I got it.  They ordered it for me.

2 days later Mom, Katie and me when back to pick up the wig.  Katie was so excited I thought she was going to jump out of her skin.  Mom was just glad I decided to get a wig.  I wanted to surprise them.  When I put it on and turned around my mom’s face lit up.  Katie looked very serious for a moment, her eyes growing large, and then she clapped her hands and jumped up and down.  “It’s short, but it looks really good!”.  I smiled at her.  You know if you can please a 7 year old you’ve got it made.  The color was such a close match that I thought a piece of long hair sticking out was part of the wig that needed trimmed, until I pulled on it and realized it was my own hair.

Tonight I get my long locks cut short.  Really, really short.  I have to ease into this and this is a step.  It’s really just hair! 

Today was Oncology Day!  It’s a big day for me that I had huge mixed emotions about.  Part of me wanted to get it over with, but most of me could have waited a year, or two, or never to go.  Not that I mind my oncologist.  He is a very, thorough, thoughtful, informative fellow.  He gives me tons of information and even smiles from time to time.  The little surprise I had was that after he gave me all the information he said “Are you ready to start today?".  I quickly answered “NO”.  He was going to start treatment today.  I was not prepared for that.  I was ready to bolt out the door and he said he would reschedule, but I had to start next week.

So starting next Thursday March 6^th at 1:00 this is my chemo schedule:

I have 4 cycles of Adriamycin and Cytoxan, one every 3 weeks

After that I have 12 cycles of Taxol and Herceptin, one every week

Then I have Herceptin alone once every 3 weeks for a year

Seems my cancer was HER-2 Positive which is why they have to do the additional Herceptin for a year.  That pathology thing signals an “aggressiveness” that has to be taken down (unfortunately I’m along for the ride).

The doctor showed me the treatment room (the chairs look very comfortable).  He said the first treatment would last around 3 hours, but if everything goes good they may get shorter after that. 

Most of you know I’m a big thinker and planner, but in this case I cannot even begin to think about this process.  Every time I go there in my head it starts to hurt, my heart starts to pound, and I get that flight or fight instinct.  I want to run for the hills or hit something really hard. 

The Lord allows us to have journeys in our lives that we are sure we cannot travel through.  They help us grow in Him, they help us lean on Him, and they help us become better servants for His service.  You all know what I’m talking about, we’ve seen people (some of you are those people) that have traveled those journeys and become great people for the Lord.  I have never thought of myself as one of those people.  I’m a cruiser, one of those people who watch and observe and take it all in, hopefully learning something along the way.  Well I’ve learned a lot about the Lord over the last 2-1/2 years.  I’ve learned He is faithful, and He blesses us when we don’t deserve it.  Mostly I have learned that when we are in our deepest, darkest places we are not alone.  It’s still not easy sometimes, but through His strength we are strong.  In His hands we are comforted. No matter how this goes, or how hard this journey turns out to be, please help me remember that Great is His faithfulness.

Well, it’s been a week since I’ve written so I thought I’d give a little update.  I’m doing pretty well, thanks to the prayers and wonderful cards and comfort.  The pain is a little better every day.

I went to the plastic surgeon today in the hopes of getting all my drains out.  I was very fortunate to get all but one removed.  It will make everything a little more navigate able.  For any of you that have never had drains in your body I would describe removing them as . . . like. . . .ok, got me, I can’t think of a creative way to describe it.  It hurts, ouch, yowee, . . . got the picture.

My oncology appointment, originally scheduled for 2/14, has been rescheduled for 2/26 by my doctor who had to go out of town (shucks, my disappointment is almost palatable, NOT). 

I’m starting to miss work.  I can almost feel my brain shriveling as the days go by.  I know I should be working on the next great American novel, I keep reminding myself of that, next week I promise.  I’ve got the go ahead from the doctor to get on the treadmill, so next week I will walk every day and start writing in my book every day.  That will help me build up my stamina for when I am given the go ahead to go back to work. 

The doctor also gave me the go ahead to sleep on my side.  A little unimportant you say, but to me it will be a great luxury to roll from my back to my side tonight.  Still no vacuuming, housecleaning, laundry or carrying shopping bags allowed.  I think I’ll survive, but poor Katie is learning a tough lesson in being Mom’s “helper”. 

I’ll write again after the oncology appointment.  I’ll be sure to put in the chemo schedule and all the scary stuff he tells me.  

God Bless!

I know I haven’t written in a while.  Actually I’ve been very quiet, trying to heal.  I did get to see my beautiful granddaughter on Weds.  She is, of course, perfect in every way!

Last night we had a bit of an incident that I couldn’t resist sharing.  I have, attached to me, 5 drains from my surgery.  I expect them to be taken out next Friday, but until then we have to empty them and measure any drainage on a regular basis.  I know that’s a little gross, but you had to know it to get what happened last night.  As my able assistant was emptying about 7:30 last evening one of the drain balls broke apart at the plunger.  This was one of those moments, you have when you are 30 minutes away from 6 guests arriving and you realize you don’t have potatoes or garlic for the garlic mashed potatoes.  “What do we do now?”.  We tried, valiantly to get the plunger out of the drain to no avail.  I called the doctor’s emergency call number and had to talk to a doctor on call who gave advice that didn’t work and mentioned that if we couldn’t get it fixed we could go to the hospital emergency room to get a new drain ball.

After much consideration we realized that was exactly what we were going to have to do.  Go to the emergency room of the hospital on a Friday night.  Somewhat comical that the ball didn’t break earlier in the day when the doctor’s office was open or when I could have probably gone to the hospital surgery department for a new ball.  I tried to contain the giggles (not).

We packed Katie up to Mom and Dad’s and Pete and I piled into the car and to the hospital.  We discussed the possibility that it was still early in the evening and maybe there weren’t many folks there yet.  As we turned to corner those hopes were sent adrift by the very full parking lot.

As I walked into the emergency department it occurred to me that I had 5 opened wounds in my body and was a few weeks away from chemo therapy and this was probably not the most hygienic environment for me to be stepping into.  One glance around confirmed that suspicion and I uttered a silent prayer of cleansing.  The blank stare I received at the glass window was not encouraging to me as I tried to explain my delima.  Then I pulled forward the other drain balls hanging from me, for visual aid, and watched as the receptionist and triage nurse’s eyes behind the window widened slightly.  The nurse motioned for me to come around the corner to the desk for a better look.  Perhaps they were considering my lack of immune system also.  I had thought far enough ahead to have my release paperwork from the hospital and they quickly pulled up my patient number.  The told me to have a seat in the sick area and they would attempt to get me a replacement and use my patient number from the surgery instead of registering me in the emergency room.

As Pete and I sat (as far away from others as possible), we tried hard to ignore the lady across from us in the wheel chair whose husband was holding the “pink dish” just below her chin.  There was also the woman directly beside me who was weeping uncontrollably and grasping her chin.  One woman at and angle from me had her coat up over her mouth and I thought maybe that was not a bad idea.  It wasn’t that I lacked faith in the Lord’s healing abilities, but it is one thing to believe and another to foolishly put yourself in harms way.

Only 10 minutes later a young nurse comes toward us with a sealed bag in his hand.  “Do you know how to put it on?”  He asks.  We jump up and start for the door, grabbing the bag shaking our head.  “We’ll get it, thank you.”  We said and we exited quickly.  With a deep exhale as we stepped outside.

Fifteen minutes has to be some kind of a record for an emergency department visit, but we did it.  They were really great to not go to the “official” steps of registering me and then making me wait.  They must have just gone right up to surgical supply and pulled one of those bad boys off the shelf.  I am indebted to their resourcefulness!  I silently prayed on the way home for the poor lady with the stomach problem and the woman who was obviously in great pain.  But I was also extremely thankful for the expedited help and extra effort from the staff!   

When we got home Pete and I both scrubbed as if we were going into surgery.  Soap, antibacterial lotion, alcohol swabbing my tubes, just as a precaution. If it happens again I’ve already planned a clandestine “I love Lucy” caper to avoid the emergency department, but hopefully that won’t have to happen.

Thank you Lord for your mercy last night!  For walking us swiftly through an unpredictable situation again!

• Main
• archives
• Albums
• Links
• Admin
• Send us a story!

• Back On The Road To Chemo
• The Surgery Story
• Surgery Update
• Over the Mountain We Go
• Fall has Arrived
• To UVA We Go
• Chemo-less
• CT-orama

• General [53]

• RSS 0.90
• RSS 1.0
• RSS 2.0
• Atom