Faithfully Fighting

I should blog today.  I know I should, but I’m having trouble putting words together.  Since it may be a while before I write again, let me start with thank you.  I am deeply blessed by all the wonderful prayers and words of encouragement that everyone is sending.  I truly do not feel worthy.

I received a card last night at church.  It is a lovely card, as are all the ones I’ve gotten.  But this one lists hourly times, from 7:00 am until 11:00 pm tomorrow.  Beside those times are the names of specific people that have chosen to pray for me and my family and my doctors during at those hours.  People that have decided to take that time to lift us up during their day.  It overwhelms me!  I am taking that card with me tomorrow to represent all you wonderful folks on the list and all you other folks who I know are also praying.  I have such joy in my heart to be in the company and prayers of magnificent children of our Lord.

Katie is struggling right now.  She had a melt down this morning.  I won’t make light of it, because her 7 year old heart was very, very heavy.  We talked about her fears.  I spent 45 minutes answering questions.  “Where are they taking the bad cells out?; “How do they know they have all of them?”; “How will they roll you over if you are asleep?”;  “Will you have hair when you come home?”; “How long will it be before I can hug you?”

My Oncologist’s office called this morning.  I haven’t seen or heard from them in 2 years.  They wanted to make an appointment for me 5 days after my surgery.  My surgeon’s office called me this morning too.  They called to change my surgery time from 9:30am tomorrow to 7:30 am tomorrow (We have to be at the hospital at 5:30 in the morning – talk about adding insult to injury).  Remember the days when you’d call the doctor’s office and they’d never call you back, or call back days later.  From this day forward I’m going to measure my health by how long it takes the office/doctor to call me back.  When they start calling you and you haven’t even called them first, you know you’ve got a problem.

God Bless each and everyone of you!  I will write again when I am able.  Thank you so much for everything!

Love, Lynn

A lot has happened in the couple of days since I have written.  Let’s start with an important item.  I got my bed on Tuesday and it is fantastic!  The really hilarious thing is I have gotten more comments on the new bed than any other thing so far.  I love you guys, you get me!  Even Katie is really excited about the bed, I told her she could sleep with me tonight and this morning before school that’s all she could talk about!

The other important item is I have finally been able to reach out and grab God’s comforting hand.  I’m not sure if it happened when I was on my knees Weds morning before work, or before that, but sometime around then I was able to finally open my heart and let my fear be lifted by the Lord.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments.  But I don’t feel like a big wobbly bowl of Jell-O anymore.  Most of the time I can laugh and feel joy, and rejoice, without cold fear rising in my stomach.  I am so blessed to have a patient and loving Lord who waits for me.

The coolest things have been blessing me.  At work yesterday, my good friend took me to lunch, and then my entire group of co-workers had cake and ice cream to send me off with good wishes and a threatening tease to return in March.  I had to fight tears at their caring generosity.  EVERYONE from everywhere is volunteering to help me if I need them and I know they really mean it (and don’t think I won’t be calling, you guys!!).  My dear friend is arranging meals for when I get home.  My cousin wants to knit chemo caps, not just for me, but for the oncology center where I’m going to be going.  Who am I to be so blessed.  Pete always says that if you don’t let people help you when you need it then you are taking away their blessing from God.  I cannot imagine that anyone is as blessed as I am at this moment in my life.

Today I went for pre-op and I’m all signed up for my surgery on Tuesday.  I’ve got my magical, mystical green soapy stuff to scrub with for two days, I’ve said my name, birth date and address at least 30 times, blood has been drawn, chest x-ray’s have been taken, and I’ve got a sign up sheet for a pager for my waiting room waitees.  I’m going to try and talk Pete into blogging for me for the couple of weeks I’m not able to type or write.  I’m hoping to be home this time next week, but no promises on when I’ll be touching base.

Thank you so much for your prayers.  I know that is one of the reasons my fears have settled.  I can actually feel you guys lifting me up to the Lord.  I will boldly ask that you keep up the good work!

Today was doctor day! I got to meet a very nice plastic surgeon today.  I’ve never been to a plastic surgeon’s office before.  It’s very different than any other doctors office, at least this one was.  It was more like a spa.  The place I initially met the doctor had warm colored, comfy couches, with a beautiful coffee table and peaceful pictures on the wall.  He came in and talked about the options and drew pictures and explained things.  Then I went to the examination room, where they gave me a thick, warm bathrobe to put on.  It was soft and lovely.  Why in the world don’t all the doctors give those out?  It made me feel special and unique, rather than a number on a chart.  Ok, ok, I know, plastic surgeons have to “sell” their services.  They want women to feel “cared for” and “pampered” when they come in.  Can I just say IT WORKS!  For a brief few seconds it let me think I was getting a deluxe pedicure or a massage instead of discussing reconstruction of a body part.

Saw the breast surgeon today too.  They picked a date.  January 29.  Next Tues.  Seems really soon to me, but everyone seems to be in a big hurry.  The cancer has shown up so fast they don’t want to give it time to travel farther than it has. 

Tomorrow I get a new bed.  I’ve been wanting one for months, mine is a cheap saggy thing.  I went and ordered one of the sleep number beds and then got a memory foam top for it.  It is ridiculous that a new bed is such an exciting thing to me right now, but I can’t wait. 

Ok, another crazy day!!  I was dreading the biopsy on an entirely strange level.  I’m still a little sore from the first one and it was such a bummer.  I drove my jeep (because they are calling for snow today) and as I am backing into a parking space I turn to Pete and say “I really don’t want to do this.”  I quickly notice the nice SUV to my left is pretty close.  “I guess I better concentrate on backing into the parking lot straight first??”  At least I got a chuckle out of Pete.  Then we prayed together so that I would reach for the strength the Lord was handing down to me.  I love praying with Peter, it did calm me.

We are waiting in the main waiting room of the women’s center and the cute little red head technician walk through and cheerfully said  “Ms. Pevarnik are we going to have to get you your own chair in here.” I was, at the moment she spoke up, thinking I was spending entirely too much time in that place! 

They called me back and had me change in my own private room instead of the curtained corner, at the time I didn’t even realize that might have not been a good sign.  I opened the door and the doctor came in.  I thought he was going to go over the procedure with me.  He, very gently, checked my arm that had gone numb on Tues.  It is totally normal now, but it was very kind of him to be so concerned.  He then informed me that they’d gotten my preliminary lab results back and that we didn’t need to go ahead with the biopsy.

At first my heart leapt with joy.  No more cutting!  Quickly my mind came back to the reality that they’d found what they had, literally, been digging for.  Plus he had that compassionate doctor face on that is never reassuring.  You almost want to see the disinterested, distracted face sometimes, even though that’s what most people complain about doctors.

I got him to give me a copy of the lab work so hold on to your hat for the technical stuff:

That was for all you medical lingo folks.  I will have to get most of it translated by the doctor on Monday (do not email me with questions on any of these terms!). 

If any of you from work are reading this, no I’m not coming in.  I will work on stuff I emailed home yesterday, I’m exhausted.  Now I need a nap!  It is snowing like crazy here, beautiful!  J

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